I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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