I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i want to swaddle you in tequila
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
