pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
