You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
