I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
