i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
worst night to have a conscience
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
