How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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