i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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