Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
