You don't have asthma, your pregnant
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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