He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
