Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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