I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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