So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
