Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
