trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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