now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
