why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
