i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
