I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
