Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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