just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
