so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
