Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
