Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
