ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
