I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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