Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
