The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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