is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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