At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
