remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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