Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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