it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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