You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
