Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
