We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
