she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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