i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
