Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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