i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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