im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
