every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
