Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
