I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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