i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
