We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
