I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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