He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
