I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
